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Since Prop 8 was upheld in the courts, I want to see a few things happen.

1) No one should get "marriage" benefits on taxes. Marriage should be a religious institution, and have no place in government. Dependants can only be children, not spouses.

2) CA legislature needs to be removed. Apparently check and balance in our state is Govener, People, and Judicial. Not Representative.

3) The California constitution needs to recognize that we have 75% conservative counties. It's funny how the minority is so vocal in our state. But there is perhaps too much in our constitution. We have the LONGEST state constitution of any state in the union. Maybe we need to look back and see what we're doing wrong. The constitution is a guiding principal. Not a direction for how to walk across the street.

Pain will be dealt with later. I'll hope that Taylor will come cuddle me one day.
So with a, "I think marriage should only be between a man and a woman, no offense....", this young woman became a total sensation.

I would have let it die there, until there had to be a formal decision made regarding her crown as Miss California.

As horrid as the man is, Perez Hilton, did ask her opinion. Stating her opinion is a part of event where the women show how intelligent they actually are by being able to compose a thought based on a current event in the world.

This may surprise many people because of my opinion of gay marriage (hey, I am for it): But she's entitled her opinion.

She should not be a poster child for the anti-gay rights movement. Nor should she lose her crown. She should not be the pivot point for reopening the gay marriage debate nationwide. She doesn't get to lead the debate. Nor should anyone from either side.

Those who get to debate on gay marriage should be couples who are married but miserable, couples who are married and have affairs without telling their partners, couples who divorce and drag horrific scenes to play before their children, couples who believe in abuse to keep their partner, and couples who desecrate the idea of marriage. This is the real failure of marriage all around the world. Not just in the United States.

Marriage is the promise of two people for time on earth to help each other, love, and help further the community. Marriage involves communication for every aspect: sex, jobs, emotional. It also involves trust, integrity, and ambition.

However, I do agree Miss California lost the potential to be Miss America on this point. Her poise in that moment was broken with the use of the phrase, "no offense". Part of making a compelling argument is to address the other side of the argument--this would be the pro-gay marriage side. Saying, "no offense" is a cop out. It is not addressing her reasons, not addressing her opinion, not giving support to her opinion. That offended me more than her opinion.

My opinion of this whole matter: Next time, Miss California should be a little better poised, regardless of the question.
Until this morning, I had only ever wanted tolerance.

And then I read something from the last person who I officially came out to. And I know she's conservative, but I had begun to retrust her since I came out.

Instead, I find a blog entry by her that pushes our relationship back.

Since June of last year, I've come out more and more. I realized all this time in my life, I was being myself.

I do not chose to be gay. I would not chose misery in my life.

I want comfort. And that right now is going to be a woman. After all the private anguish, I look and I see the final images of my life, and I see a woman standing next to me in the end.

Here's a tidbit: I'm not interested in you. I will not tell you any explicit detail about what I would do in the bedroom with someone else. This is mostly because I wouldn't want to hear about that detail in your life.

Now moving on from that, well what do we do about my rights as a person? I am allegedly equal to you in every respect. Should I get shot, I will die most likely. When I lose someone I am close to, I cry and grieve. Inside me is still the very same person I was yesterday.

So, when a person, turn to me and say that it's horrid that a couple broke up over the issue of gay marriage, and that most TV shows turn that topic into a pulpit, what if the issue were the exact opposite? What if it were more normal to be homosexual and heterosexuals were the odd ones?

To tell me it is unnatural, what if, perhaps my homosexuality is God's magnificent design to control population? To know that mentor/mentee relationship is not one that is lightly crossed into between two people.

There are so many types of love. That baffled me as a child. As an adult I respect the degrees to which love can happen.

If you cannot stand to tolerate me: learn to love me.
For as long as I've been on this journey of coming out, I've been hyper aware of other gay people in hopes of increasing my gaydar.

Sadly this has not really been a successful attempt on my part.

Every now and then, well, give the little lady a doll!

Yesterday, at the mall was one such moment.

If this guy were anymore gay, the sprinklers would have been set off and we would have to had to evacuate a mall with 2000 people inside.

I wonder if I could get away with carrying a fire extinguisher or even a sticker, and just putting it on random gay people.

Okay well that's not an okay thing to do, but I do wonder, how many tells I leave? Outside of my omnipresence, what do I stimulate in someone's mind when they see me?

Certainly there are times when I'm dressed and my intent is to leave my gender behind, though as neutrally as humanly possible. I don't have a burning desire to have surgery, though I wouldn't mind if I lost some boobage (preferably back to the same size I was when I was 10). And the periods: hello. Please go away, quickly.

But there are other bits of being female I like. I like having the door held for me by a guy. I don't expect it, but there's something nice about it. I realize that it's a contradiction but it's a nice sentiment. There's that emotion when you hold a tiny little baby. I'm certain guys have it too, but the thought of that tiny little head and those little clenched fists on your shoulder trusting you'll do your best...that's there too and undeniably female in my body and mind. And then there's my regret over not being able to have genetic kids of my own. That's also strictly dedicated to my being female.

Now the aforementioned things are not strictly limited to having emotional ties to womanhood. They are a universal genderless emotional connection. But I see those moments and I know I would connect entirely differently from having more testosterone in my body.

So as I wind down my ramblings here. If you saw me walking down the street and alarms go off, feel free to use a fire extinguisher as appropriate.
Just because Person B is a lesbian does not mean I know her. Just because Person W is gay does not mean I know him.

It is a "small community" I realize, but I don't get out much. I honestly can ID only 4 gay people.
This just came to me as I am writing the Constitution test for my students.

I have often heard the argument that it is wrong to discriminate against the gay population because it violates their First Amendment Rights.

The First Amendment protects: Speech, Religion, Petition, Assembly, and Press.

Being gay is not a religious issue.

I am gay because I was born this way. Technically you could go so far to say, "God made me this way."

It *is* wrong to discriminate against any identifiable group just because they are different. That comes further down the Amendment list--14th and to some degree the 15th. There are also Civil Statutes that further describe the pains of discrimination.

Especially now as the California Government has a Constitutional Amendment to keep me from getting married, I really hope it is overturned.

Not because I believe that I should get married, but more because the Constitution (any Constitution in the United States) has one sole purpose: to run our government.
I've spent so long questioning my own identity there are moments when people in my life who are allegedly an ally don't seem to understand me.

Being gay is lonely. Being gay with all of my baggage is even lonelier.

I'm certain that probably most gay people don't spend a lot of time here in this mental "wandering" that I have.

I wanted a family when I was a child. There was this mental image that I would one day hold a baby and look down into a tiny face and know that this was my kid.

Being gay hasn't really taken that away from me. It's just made it a lot different. I don't know if I'll actually have a kid of my own. I don't know if I'll ever hold a baby and know if that tiny face is somehow mine (whether the bond is emotional or biological).

The want doesn't go away. It just changes a little. And it's depressing (at least to me). And it has been very lonely here. I know it will change slowly. I've been changing a lot. I'm bolder. I don't salivate with desire looking at every single woman on the planet. I'm past that.

These things will take time. I'll figure it out.
Dear Taylor,

I've never thought I'd write this one to you, but Thank you for rejecting me. I have not found another to replace you in my thoughts, but I certainly do now understand your emotional revulsion at the prospect of dating me.

I was just hit on by someone from my past. I can't imagine being serious with her.

Now I know why you let me off so gently. May I learn from your so gracious manner. (And perhaps score another point in your favor to earn my way to being a contender for your heart? Okay too much. I'll back off.)


I grew up in the era of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." It was a new concept and frankly: I actually understand it.

But now, it's really not so functional. Plus I don't have much of a gay-dar.

I just recently outed myself to a fairly close friend who I've known for over ten years now and expected to be cut off from her because my being gay isn't exactly compatible with her fairly conservative LDS upbringing and living. To my surprise, this is what she wrote back to me.

Haven’t I been telling you for years that it’s always bigger in our heads than it actually is? It takes a lot of guts to tell me, fearing I might not speak to you again, so thanks for the trust. (I told you, you were braver than you think you are) Hopefully you won’t be too shocked when I say; I suspected as much. Not always, of course, you HAVE been circumspect, but a lot of things make sense now, that would have been rude to ask at the time if it hadn’t been true…does that sentence even make sense?

So here is the question: When is it okay to ask your friend/family if they are gay/trans/whatever? Or is this a 'never' okay like asking an overweight woman when she's due if you're not sure if she's pregnant?
I've often struggled with this coming out: I'm not as open minded as I'd like to be. And this is a problem with my self-acceptance.

This was just raised as a red flag in my life only minutes ago.

As a side job, I work for a large nation-wide electronics store, we'll call them 'The Store' from here on out. My job for this store is basically helping with customer outreach. How does The Store handle being kind to customers, commercials that represent The Store, and services The Store provides. Nothing glamorous happens as I work for The Store, but my perks are consistant in $10 incriments. I'm saving up for a TiVo currently.

Then today, they sent me a commercial to evaluate. And for the first time ever, I was actually offended as a member of the LGTBQQAA comunity.

I can't actually detail out the specifics of the commercial I saw because that would violate the papers I signed (and I still haven't earned my TiVo).

But the commercial was creepy. At worse it was a woman's mind having a discussion with her fantasy family. The closest to best, it is a very alturnative family. Either way, it didn't become the image of The Store.

However, in my head now, I wonder about myself. When I look in the mirror, is the reason I can't accept myself as gay is because I am offended by the reflection? When I walk down the street and see someone in transition, do I veer too far away from them? When I'm trying to talk to my nurse at the doctor's office and I'm not listening to what either of us are saying and trying to figure out the gender identity of my nurse am I distracted from the real purpose of my visit?

I know I have trouble being in my friend's car--the one with every gay pride bumper sticker known to man on the back of that thing. I have trouble opening discussing my being gay with people who don't already know. I'm strongly reluctant to even tell my most conservative friends.

There isn't an easy way out of this one.